For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
