im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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