It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize