she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
