My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
