i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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