so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
