I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
