I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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