last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize