About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is Oprah even human
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
