God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
