Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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