ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
