She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
