Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
