i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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