The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
