I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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