that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
