I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
