I think i peed on brittanys purse
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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