The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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