I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
