I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When did angry sex become our thing?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
