i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
