Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
