Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
