Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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