you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
