i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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