sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Be still, my beating vagina.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
