When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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