Plan B is the new Plan A
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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