She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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