I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
