The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
