I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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