im about as happy as oj after his trial
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize