it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
