He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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