In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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