please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
