Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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