i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
