So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she peed on how many people?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
