at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
