That's when you crack a 10am beer
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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