the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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