no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
