It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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