Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize