Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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