Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
