He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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