I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
