I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
