ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize