Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
