I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
