I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
