So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
