What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
