Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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