some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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