I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
