Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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