Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
