Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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