i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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