What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
