I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
