Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
