i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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