My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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