You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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