Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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