all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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