If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
