I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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