peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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