I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dear god my vagina.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
