He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
