The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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