my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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