Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
