You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
