Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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