I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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