He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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