I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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